Wednesday 24 July 2013

I SHOULD HAVE MY SHIT TOGETHER



 Hello loves'
Today i re-blog a piece from my favorite blogger of all times' Lindsay. I refer to her blog as my mini-bible' because when everything in my life is in a daze and i need a solid reminder that i will be alright, i go to her blog.  Lindsay is based in NYC and she talks about love in all facets (of self and of another) but she also shares her everyday battles as a 25 year old trying to figure it out in the concrete jungle where dreams are made of. What makes Linday so freaking amazing ...is how she says it. I love to love her blog' It keeps me sane..

I leave y'all with this amazing piece and snippets from a couple of days ago after work.




REBLOGGED FROM CONFESSIONS OF A LOVE AD

Staring down at my hands, thinking about the scar on my right thumb and the pinky finger nail that always outgrows the rest, I did anything and everything to distract myself from the conversation I was about to have. I needed to be tough. I wanted to keep my happy face securely stretched wide and open to conceal any doubt or bitterness I felt. If I kept smiling and willing myself to believe that I was satisfied, that I was indeed fulfilled and secure, then it would actually be more than a painted grin by my friends at Cover Girl.
But J saw right through it. As she usually does.

We ordered wine and I had an appetizer — always one to suffocate discomfort with salty and crunchy foods. Though I’ve grown so close to her in such a short matter of time, I didn’t know just how much I could share or how much would be too much for a friendship that was still blooming. After a few sips of Chardonnay that I secretly wished was Cabernet, she gave me the eyebrow raising cue to start talking. And as if the floodgates had been tightly sealed and protected against a barrier of makeup, glitz and teeth whitening for a very long time, I felt them crumble away. Not bit by bit or piece by piece but in one transformative release, letting out everything I felt, all that I feared, and the words sat out there, dangling on the edge of a turning point, waiting to be realized, hoping to be accepted.

I sputtered out each messy thought, every last fear and the growing pile of frustrations that I’m frustrated I feel. I let it all spew out as I let myself go, feeling the tears splashing angrily down my cheek and crashing on my lips, reminding me that if I’m still feeling this much – no matter how bad it is – I’m still alive. Pain and well, being honest and vulnerable, makes you feel just how human you are. Once I finished, I embraced the sense of relief and emptiness that came with it. I had said everything and here I was, wondering if I was the only 25-year-old gal in New York to be a walking disaster of indecision.

And then she said the one thing — the only thing — that could make me feel at peace and better about my current predicament.

“Linds, everyone feels that way,” she slipped out the reassurance in a casual, endearing way, making sure to keep eye contact while grinning a knowing look that eased my embarrassment. “The truth is, no one has their shit together, even if we act like we do. The grass is always greener somewhere else. Someone else always seems better off.”

Here I was in Chelsea, at a fine lounge (that I used to go to all the time with Mr. P), crying my eyes out because J was right — I didn’t  and still don’t, have my shit together. Excuse the language, but J picked the best words anyone could –and depicted it in the most accurate way.

I could talk about how I have many luxuries and privileges that so many do not because that’s also true. I don’t struggle to make rent and I luckily love the job I have. I’m healthy and vibrant, settled into an existence that doesn’t really have too many physical, actual pitfalls — but there’s something about this age that is infuriating. Something about being a mid-20-something that makes everything and nothing feel good and bad all in the same breath, all at the same time, all in one sweeping emotion that can overtake you with anxiety if you let it.

I’m somewhere in between college and turning 30, letting go if the love I enjoyed at 22 to find the man I’ll spend the rest of my life with. I’m not quite secure in the city I love, not yet able to afford to live alone, not sure if my next move will be alone or with a roommate or a boyfriend. I don’t know what the next five years will bring, and if the past few are any indication of just how silly predictions are, then well, I’m really in for a shocker.

But even if I feel older than I really am, placing myself under more pressure than anyone else, I feel like I should have it figured out by now.

I feel like I should know what my next career move is or at least have a plan. I shouldn’t rule out short guys or unemployed men or balding guys. I should be more realistic and possibly less picky about the men I date or I’m going to end up alone. And if that’s the case, I need to figure out how to be okay with that. On that note – I need to understand what it means to settle and if I’m settling in any aspect of my life. Or if I’m expecting too much? I really should save more money. I should drink less and pay more attention to my diet. I need to plan out meals and stick to a budget. I should understand my 401K, the effects of my birth control on my body and go to the dentist every six months. I should mange my time and spend equal times with friends, and never ever put guys before girls. I shouldn’t compare myself to others and I should not cry during cheesy romantic comedies that by now, shouldn’t get to me anymore. I shouldn’t get anxious or upset over the small things or the big things or anything – I should be more mature. I should keep a workout schedule and have all the children I’m supposed to have by a certain age. I should figure out what that age is and start preparing for it. I should save up everything I can so I can move apartments and pay more in rent, but feel more at home. I should get an expensive dog walker so I stop worrying about my puppy being alone too much. I shouldn’t talk about having a pet on a date because that’s too intimidating, it screams that I have too much responsibility. It says I’m not spontaneous and sexy and fun. I should not spend so much money on clothes or drinks or trips and instead, invest in my future.

I should have my shit together.

But as I put on a should-show in front of J, she should-ed me right back. She’s in a happy, loving relationship. She has an equally great job. She lives in a lovely apartment with two lovely felines, and yet, even as she has some of the things that I want – like a wonderful man to come home to – she has the same feelings I do. The same shoulds. And so does my friend M. My other friend J. And K and practically everyone else I know who is stuck in their mid-twenties, and early 30s even, figuring out what the hell is next. And getting over what should be next.
It’s easy before you reach adulthood to know what’s coming because it’s all mapped out before you – after middle school comes high school, after high school you go to college. During college you have internships that lead to jobs. Then maybe you go to graduate school and then you land in a new city with a brand new job, and then you…

…you start living your life. You start having so many experiences… and just as many mistakes. You give up on figuring everything out.

And if you’re smart and lucky enough to catch it early on, you realize that the most important part about having your shit together is accepting that you might never get there. And more importantly, you might not want to after awhile. Sure, at times you’re more balanced than at others. Some weeks are happier, while others are busier and more expensive. Sometimes you feel like you’ve accomplished the world and on some mornings, getting out of bed is enough. There are no shoulds to life or no magical prescription to take away your worries or your uncertainties about the future. The future, instead, is always this ominous, illustrative idea that’s far-fetched and seemingly impossible when you’re standing in the present. But you’ll get there. It’ll work itself out. You don’t have to should your life away to make all the things that will happen, actually happen.

The life you’re meant to live will work itself out… even if you don’t do the right things or follow the right timeline. Even if you make every wrong decision you can possibly make. Even if it doesn’t turn out how you think it will or in the ways your friend’s paths take shape. Because having your shit together is a nice idea, but it’s not half as fun as living a full, complicated, beautiful, messy and passionate life… that’s probably full of shit – but still pretty fantastic.

take a selfie, and contemplate on life......

Friday 19 July 2013

OUR LITTLE RAY OF SUNSHINE




Hello dears'

TGIF...Seems like all my posts happen to fall on Friday...which kindah says i am the happy go lucky kind!lol. Truth be told....Friday is such an easy breezy day; from the mood to the attire its just fun fun-tastic. Thank God and Ice-cube for Fridays.

Last weekend my cuppie cake Lu and I had one of em days that are just so special you cant find the right words to describe them. We headed to Machakos and made a stop at paradise (Maanzoni Lodge) it is a beautiful, serene resort with a country feel. Ooh we were in heaven...(you can tell from the captures). Forgive me for getting carried away; Really Susan freaking 39 pictures?? smh (couldn't help it...had over 700 shots to pick from so i did a pretty darn good job picking this (lol)

Some days you are so one with the world you actually question if it could get any better.  So magically happy' carefree and alive. I'll quote the sassy miss Samantha from Sex in the City 2, remember when they arrived in that grand paradise of a resort and she says that for the first time in her life she felt she was in the right place there in oooh so freaking awesome Abu Dhabi! Okay so now am just letting my imagination run wild...its pretty much nothing compared to Abu Dhabi heaven but for the first time in my life i felt like i truly belonged. 

Every single day' most of us wake hoping to see our ray of sunshine...and in most days we don't. only a lucky few find sunshine everyday of their lives..so when you do stumble upon a ray of sunshine..make it count. Feel the sun on your skin and breathe gentle....

It doesn't have to cost you an arm and a leg' just work with what you have and make it happen. I am lucky enough to have found a friend like Lu ; she gets me' (we get each other) i feel like i can be myself with this girl..like i can let go' shed my fears and still have a friend at the end of the day which is so cool.

Anywho i leave y'all with snippets from the breathtaking Maanzoni Lodge' where we found our little ray of sunshine....

Xo
Sue












































Friday 12 July 2013

GLITTER AND MAKING IT HAPPEN




Hello lovies,

Hope your week has been fine. Mine has been quite okay; am trying to get through to me somehow. ‘I am making peace with my past, my present and looking forward to the future. Being that kind of girl that cries for no reason and laughs at awkward moments (weirdo; tell me about it), I need to keep myself in check sometimes. Any who I realize that no matter how uncertain life gets, we should always put our best foot forward because there is no manual that explains where we are headed.

Okay. So last night I got to watch Glitter the movie’ starring MC (Miss Mariah Carey) . It’s an oldie , can’t believe I never got around to see it. Actually it was pretty okay despite the whack ratings. MC’s voice (God knows she gave her a gold mine) has taken her places…places she could not even have dreamt off.  I really loves me some rags to riches stories,they inspire the hell out of anyone whose got a dream and needs to trust and believe that the sun will someday shine. 

Let me quote MC in one of her songs ‘Make it Happen ‘ she says ‘If you believe in yourself enough and know what you want; you’re gonna make it happen ‘…such words right.This is one of my all time favorites from her many hits. She lays it out: know what you want, keep pushing and praying for it. What more can anyone do. Just keep the faith and work for what you want. It's just figuring out what you truly want that makes it hard to get started.She's got so many songs that help keep the faith.

On matters fash; I had this pictures taken some months back but never really got to share them here on the blog’ My lovely mommy took them (bless her). Color splashes are my thing…so I figured; throw three fierce shades and twerk(lol)the yellow pants were from a splurge last year, looking to sell them so inbox me if you like them on facebook.











MAKE IT HAPPEN: MARIAH CAREY

Not more than three short years ago
I was abandoned and alone
Without a penny to my name
So very young and so afraid
No proper shoes upon my feet
Sometimes I couldn't even eat
I often cried myself to sleep
But still I had to keep on going
Never knowing if I could take it
If I would make it through the night
I held on to my faith
I struggled and I prayed
And now I've found my way

[Chorus:]
If you believe in yourself enough
And know what you want
You're gonna make it happen
Make it happen
And if you get down on your knees at night
And pray to the Lord
He's gonna make it happen
Make it happen

I know life can be so tough
And you feel like giving up
But you must be strong
Baby just hold on
You'll never find the answers
If you throw your life away
I used to feel the way you do
Still I had to keep on going
Never knowing if I could take it
If I would make it through the night
I held on to my faith
I struggled and I prayed
And now I've finally found my way

[Chorus]

I once was lost
But now I'm found
I got my feet

On solid ground
Thank you Lord
If you believe
Within your soul
Just hold on tight
And don't let go
You can make it
Make it happen

P/S touching comment from Make it Happen...had to share'

"I remember when this song came out. It was 3 yrs. after a very rough time in my life when I was staying with different friends every night because I had no home of my own - and at 18 yrs. old. I even went hungry a few times because of lack of money. 3 yrs. later, I was living on the other side of the country driving my own car, living with my boyfriend (who later became my husband and we've been happily married for 13 yrs. now!!) and heard this song. I had tears in my eyes and was amazed at how far I came in those 3 yrs. - just like the beginning of this song. I was thankful to have everything that I had (I still am) and this song really hit home. Thank you Mariah - for a song so encouraging. It is such an inspiration and has meant the world to me. I have even shown my children your song and your voice is such a gift. Thank you!!!"