IT IS WHAT IT IS........

Was walking in town today, rushing past people to go to school, then i thought about a good friend who's having trouble with her,with lack of a better term Mr RIGHT NOW!!!!in all this confusion i asked myself, WHAT DO I WANT???????

Well its something like this............i want that kinda love.... that me thinking of him, thinking of me,thinking of him kinda love,...or me telling my friends more than i have ever admitted to myself how i feel about him kinda love...or him hating how jealous i am but loving how he wants me all to himself  kinda love ...or waking up at 2am to find him staring at me kinda love....or starting an argument  just so we can kiss and make up kinda love...hehehe

I want a love that makes me wait till he falls asleep and wonder if he's dreaming about us being in love kinda love...or smelling him all over my covers even when he's not there kinda love...or making him breakfast and refusing to let him have it till he snuggles with me kinda love...or him staying up late holding me in his arms and kissing me on my forehead when i'm unwell kinda love...or arguing about who loves the other more kinda love...or wondering what he's doing at this minute or at this hour kinda love....

Or  telling each other where we see ourselves in the next five years without any hesitation kinda love...or closing my eyes and wondering how a love so good could hurt so bad when he's not there kinda love ....i want to cook something at home and the first person i want to taste is him because we're in that kinda love,..i want to tell him, "don't worry about it hun, bill's on me today" kinda love...then letting him spoil me the next week kinda love or that not knowing where all this love is headed to kinda love ...where i put up so many Small poster-notes all over his room just so he never forgets how much i love him kinda love.....or not having enough ink in my pen to write all there is to love about him kinda love ....or hoping i make him feel ass good as he makes me feel kinda love ......i want that "babe you look great " and "honey,i loved how you smelled today " kinda love .....or me going to his business meetings and waiting kinda love......the selfish kinda love , me wanting him all to myself kinda love...i want my friends to make fun of me the way i made fun of them when they went through the same kinda love ,only difference is ,this is the Realest kinda love and just like the first days , i want to spend hours at night on the phone with him ,not saying nothing, then fall asleep, wake up and feel like that was the most meaningful conversation kinda love....or staying out late with him until my mother comes to get me(talk of guts!!!)only to say the white lie that "we we're talking about the empty house next door....)and getting away with it kinda love...or waking up with him next to me and kissing him good-morning kinda love...or counting the ways i love him ,then losing count purposely just so i could start all over again kinda love...or dissing him just to see him do that mad look that looks oooh soo hot  with his hands on his chin that always makes me smile kinda love.....or walking in the streets laughing at people in that kinda love holding hands knowing deeply in our hearts that we want to do that because its that kinda love....or celebrating those one month anniversaries even though they are really not anniversaries , but doing it just because it makes me happy, kinda love....i want a love that even when i see another lady hit on him ,i'll be there as his wing-man,just so we could later on laugh at the crazy pick up lines.

i want that kinda love where we always have something planned out to do together when he's not working on sunday and a boring day turns out to be awesome without so much effort put!!!or him running away from his friends and me from mine ,just so we could have a good time in our kinda love.....and later denying to everyone that we were not together when we ran away from them kinda love........i want that kinda love where his sister,brother and friends call me when his phone is off or busy to ask about him, kinda love.....

i want that kinda love where we look at the stars even when there's nothing to see kinda love...or sitting in church with him and actually listening kinda love....or sitting in Imax a few minutes after the movie ends so we can read through the credits and pick a name for our unborn baby,(YES,i said baby ) or falling in love everytime his ringtone plays when he calls me kinda love...or talking to him till i lose my breathe then exhale and aaaahhhh inhale all of him back into me kinda love, ....or regretting how small my arms are that i can't touch and hold him enough kinda love ...or stu...stu....stuttering as we talk like its the first time we met kinda love ....or wanting to walk up to his place on a rainy day when my hair is all glammed up, without an umbrella, just so i could say,"yhe things we do for love" kinda love....or getting hit by a bus(GOD NO!!!!) losing my memory ,getting transported to another country and somehow meeting with him  and falling in love with him in another language(imagine) just to see if it still feels as great kinda love.......

No matter how mushy and selfish this seems,i want a love that is as unexplainable as he is,as charming as he is,as imperfect in a perfect way as he is ,as easy to be with as he is, a love so simple yet soo strong ....a love that rocks my world so effortlessly , a love so freaky yet so gentle ,so subtle yet so fiery a love that's to the point and so on point ....a love that keeps me off market permanently ....a love that makes me want to spend and plan an entire future with him .....a love so beautiful .....a love so unique a love that would make me look into the mirror,imagine that i am talking to you and whisper "my life would suck without you...

All along i thought i had ....That kinda love....but it decided to leave ....now i am  left to think should i move on or keep holding on to THAT KINDA LOVE....

Entire credit goes to my friend and fellow blogger “ANGELA IVY WANJA (told you i had to share this breathtaking piece with the world) and some Anna Steele quotes (50 Shades). 

Ivy; It always feels like the very first time i read it; so close to what we want yet so far. My soul bleeds.  We will get there; we will find that kindah love!

Sweetheart ‘lightning can strike the same place twice in a very special case. Never say never’

So here are snippets of me lazing around on Saturday after work.....wishing i had that kindah love..’

 

‘I just haven’t met anyone who… well, whom I’m attracted to, even though part of me longs for those trembling knees, heart-in-my-mouth, butterflies-in-my-belly, sleepless nights. Sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with me. Perhaps I’ve spent too long in the company of my literary romantic heroes, and consequently my ideals and expecta­tions are far too high. But in reality, nobody’s ever made me feel like that.’ Anna Steele (50 shades of Grey)

‘Romantically, though, I’ve never put myself out there, ever. A lifetime of insecurity – I’m too pale, too skinny, too scruffy, uncoordinated, my long list of faults goes on. So I have always been the one to rebuff any would be admirers.’ Anna Steele (50 shades of Grey)

I’mma find someone special eventually. But until then am chilling.... 

AND THIS IS FOR ANGELA IVY WANJA